One word: Colonoscopy
Two words: Treat yourself
Three words: Getting old sucks
Four words: Be around good people
Five words: Age is just a number
Six words: Take care of yourself and others
Seven words: I forgot what I wanted to write
Six words: Still time to make a difference
Five words: Leave good tips for karma
Four words: Laugh more, worry less
Three words: Stuff doesn’t matter
Two words: Love yourself
One word: Stretching
Humans are really bad at predicting things. I don’t mean identifying when unusual events will occur (like when will the next global pandemic occur). I mean the follow-on effects of the underlying conditions and events we face.
For example, at the beginning of COVID-19, we were trying to sell a house. Before the shutdowns, we made efforts to ensure a sale, and actually signed one up, only to have it drop out once the shutdowns started. We thought it was the end of the world, we didn’t know what to do. We decided to rent the house, hoping the conditions would be temporary, and we signed a one-year lease. Six months in, the housing market was already showing signs of being amazing, so we paid the renters to leave and sold the house for more than we would have six months earlier. We thought we were geniuses. Had we waited the extra six months (or longer), we now know we weren’t geniuses. Had we continued to wait until now or later (what with mortgage interest rates and such), we would again look like goats instead of heroes.
In life, they say, timing is everything. And here again we show ourselves as poor predictors all the time. Investment buys and sells are an easy one to point to. But that could be us amateurs, just not knowing what to do. Yet study after study shows trained investment professionals fare little better. And every economist is right every so often if they just keep predicting a recession without labeling a time horizon; similar to a dead clock being right twice a day.
I’ve tried to limit the predictions I make, at least in my personal life and in any area where I’m not trained or studying the issues. So there are some things in my work life where I am essentially paid to try to make predictions; otherwise, I can’t tell you if my daughter is going to like golf or dance, be good in school or drop out, or even whether she will like spinach…or if that phase is over for now.
I am a chronic planner and generally like to be in control, so trying not to predict things is hard for me. I do find it refreshing when I can stick with it…I’m able to enjoy the mystery of life a bit more. I do wish I’d held onto that house for about 12 more months though, but not 24 more months…I think.
As they say, “three going on thirteen,” or similar wonderment about how fast your child is growing up and how they seem to behave beyond their age sometimes.
Of course, they also throw tantrums that are clearly aligned with their current age.
But regardless, time marches on and our first daughter is now three years old. Her birthday is July 4, meaning we also get to reflect on the maturity of our country at the same time. Mostly I see tantrums, and I’m happier with my toddler’s progress in basic skills. But that’s a different post I guess.
Three years goes by fast, I don’t have to tell anyone that. What’s harder to fathom is how fast the next three years (and all the “next three years after that”) will go. Now with a second daughter, we are having flashbacks to more of what we forgot about our first daughter. I also don’t know what I would do if iCloud ever gets hacked and they delete my photos; they are the memory hack I need to reflect on the mistakes and successes we’ve had raising our first daughter to date.
Three-year-old kids are amazing creatures – as I alluded to up front the swings in behaviors are crazy to witness. They can go from fetal position/needing to be held and carried/can’t breath because of the crying to rationally spelling their name and reciting what every other kid had for a snack at school in a heartbeat. Tonight my daughter told me not to do something (she tells me what to do or not do a lot), and followed it up with, “Do you understand?” Yes, I understand that I am going to have a fun next 15 years.
My daughter is active, bright, sassy, funny and has an intensely good memory. She is stubborn, moody, passionate and wed to routines to a fault. She is…human. And I love her because of and in spite of all of those things and so much more; such is unconditional love. Seeing these traits and behaviors moderate and blend is exciting to watch and gives me great anticipation for the future; like her learning to rein in her excitement and apply her motor skills to make a five-foot putt, when she used to just whack it across the green 20 yards away. Or when she overcomes her stoic nature to give a big hug to one of her friends at the end of a play date. So much potential for a good human being, I hope we can stay out of her way long enough to let her shine.
For now, we try to rest in the fact that she is happy and healthy, and we haven’t left her in an airport bathroom or mis-read the Motrin dose when she had a fever. Little wins, on a long road we’ve only just turned onto. Lots of traffic ahead…but an exciting journey awaits!
This is a big week for me in regards to women’s leadership. I was privileged to be asked to join my former colleague and friend Phyllis James to be on the local news to discuss the upcoming Women’s Leadership Conference (https://www.fwle.org/conference). The event is in its 15th year, and will be held August 7 and 8 at the MGM Grand conference center. I am proud to say KPMG will be a sponsor of the conference.
It is also a big week for my firm, as this is the week of the KPMG LPGA Championship, one of the “majors” in the women’s game. During the week, we also hold our annual Women’s Leadership Summit (https://womensleadership.kpmg.us/summit.html). Developing women leaders is a pillar of our community impact efforts, and it’s something that is important to me as well.
I gave a personal perspective in our TV Interview. I have been fortunate to work with many excellent women leaders. Some have worked for me, and I have seen them develop their skills, succeed me in roles and go on to do even bigger and better things. Some I have been able to work alongside and collaborate to complete complex projects and build new teams. Some I have learned from as mentors who gave me sage advice on how to be a better leader myself. I even now, for the first time, have a women leader myself, and it’s been a wonderful experience as my boss is inspiring and supportive and great role model and ambassador for our firm.
The other focus for me is on the need for leadership development in general, and why it’s so important to have extra focus on developing women and minority leaders. The great myth of leadership is that we are “born” leaders, or that leadership is some innate quality…an “it” factor that you either have or you don’t. But that myth is extremely false, and can be very harmful to leadership development. Leadership is simply a set of learned skills and behaviors; that means we can ALL be leaders, and great leaders.
To build leadership skills takes education, training, practice, mentorship, allyship, and community. Events like the Women’s Leadership Conference or the KPMG Women’s Leadership Summit provide these elements. For women and minorities, the element of community is even more important. One of the historical implementations of the leadership myth discussed above focused on physical characteristics; namely, the “it” factor of being a leader included being a man…particularly a white man. Like in other endeavors, being part of a community where up and coming leaders can see people who look like they do already achieving what they aspire to is a critical element of growing the next generation.
Finally, a note to men in the workforce. Here are two simple things you can do to promote women’s leadership. First, make sure the women on your team or in your meetings are “at the table” literally and figuratively. Make sure they get to speak and contribute at every stage, invite them to be in the front of the room and at the main table. Second, push back when we evaluate women leaders and you hear that a female leader who is aggressive is pushy or harsh or words I can’t write…while the same behaviors in males are rewarded as confident and decisive.
A big week for women’s leadership – let’s carry the momentum forward, and I hope to see some of you at the Women’s Leadership Conference in August in Las Vegas.
Our first daughter is almost three, but of course she will always be baby number one in our minds and hearts. But our second daughter is definitely a baby…four days old now…and I just didn’t remember how small they are at this point. The diapers look like little napkins; the car seat is so much lighter than I remember; I lose her in the swaddle.
I am sure there are big differences ahead for us; so far it’s not much of an impact. If you’ve ever had a newborn, they don’t do much, so if health is ok, then the only difference is sleeping in shorter intervals to match their eating schedule. I have already noticed some quality time and conversation with my first daughter as we split up for man-to-man defense, so I am hopeful that continues to blossom.
As an important aside, the above statement about “not much impact” is being spoken by two parents that have either generous maternity leave from their employer or a flexible schedule for new dads. These are things I believe every adult in the US should have access to as a guaranteed public benefit, as they do in many other developed countries.
Some folks we know tell us two is exponentially harder than one, and others have said those fears are a bit overblown. I am sure we will find our way like all parents do. Our first daughter seems pretty excited to have a sister, so that positive attitude will likely help.
Did I mention how small newborns are? This is even more obvious to me given the stark relief of an almost three-year-old looking lovingly at a just-in-excess of six pounds human. I always wonder why we have fingernails and toenails as humans, given they just seem to be constantly in need of maintenance…but newborns have super-small fingernails and toenails, and they need to be maintained from day one. Just another of life’s little wonders.
Looking back on these paragraphs, these appear to be just random musings from a new-again parent. I think it’s difficult for any of us to articulate what it means to have a child, now two children. I suppose if you have children, you know what I mean, and maybe you just have to take a leap of faith into parenthood when your heart tells you it’s the right time. That’s what happened to me, and I am so glad it did. Nothing I have done or will do compares to the moments with my kid…now kids.
Of course it is infuriating to write a post with this title, just like I did for Parkland, and of course Las Vegas, and could have written many more (see: Buffalo just this month). I want to copy what I wrote in the third post for Parkland here, in part so I can not blow a gasket just thinking about this myself…why is it fathomable I can write the exact same words as nothing has happened in four years to make any sort of difference. The last two examples are particularly interesting and I could certainly update them in a subsequent post given the realities of what happened in Uvalde and Buffalo, and the hopefully obvious ridiculousness of the “good guys with guns” idea of protection.
Regardless, the families, citizens of Uvalde and the entire area are in my heart today and every day. If it helps any of you, know that so many of us are #UvaldeStrong
(from February 2018)
Below are some personal observations and opinions about the arguments I see when many of us try to say we should think about restrictions on guns. I think my observations are reasonable but understand it’s quite a debated point. The frame of reference is that I have never been a big fan of guns, though I have shot guns before, and actually have enjoyed skeet shooting, for example. I certainly acknowledge that I could learn more about others’ views who feel more affinity towards guns. To be very specific, my biggest beef has always been with assault rifles, I just can’t understand why we need access to those.
“If someone wants to do harm they will find a way.” Sure thing, but let’s try to limit the damage wherever possible, right? Give ourselves a fighting chance against the weaponry they bring. And on the margin, if it’s really, really difficult to obtain the weapon, we might see people deterred from committing the crime at all.
“There is nothing we can do to ensure 100% safety.” Understand that. But there are plenty of examples of us doing many things to try to get close to 100%. When a big fire happens, we update building codes and add sprinklers. When one guy tries to put a bomb in his shoe, the rest of us have to take our shoes off for eternity to get on a plane.
“It’s not about the guns it’s about the person and their mental health.” Mental health is extremely hard to detect, predict, etc. Someone can seem pretty sane, buy a bunch of guns, and then seemingly out of the blue go crazy. See: October 1.
“We’d be better off giving everyone else a gun so they can protect themselves.” Personally, no thanks, it is not 1860 anymore. Most people don’t know how to use guns, and the accidental deaths from guns (especially kids) don’t seem to fit the cost/benefit in my mind.
“What we need is to protect our schools, like have more armed guards.” Here’s the one that I feel I know most about. For years, we bolstered security at entertainment venues; no major arena now allows you in without subjecting you to a metal detector screen. But what happened? Bombs started going off outside the venue, just outside where the security screening happens. Or a long-range rifle is used so the shooter can be outside the perimeter. Sometimes we can’t get to the root cause, sometimes we can – in this case (again from a cost-benefit perspective), it seems it would be less costly and invasive to deal with access to guns than it would be to arm every place children might gather everywhere in the country.
Anniversaries to me are a bit like new year’s and their resolutions. It is somewhat arbitrary to pause at this specific day and reflect, or look forward. But it’s just as good as any other day to do so; and since we so rarely pause in life anyway, it’s at least one annual reminder to do so.
We might be celebrating an anniversary of marriage, or work tenure, or sobriety, or a death of a loved one. In any case, we are prone to reflect. As we are reflecting, we may want to ponder whether we are happy, or satisfied, or whether the relationship or situation we are reflecting on has “lived up” to it’s expectations. I’m not sure those are the perfect measures. I think about how well the relationship or situation has helped me to be strong in the face of adversity, or lift me up when I’m beating myself down. Does the thing we have spanned another year with give us strength, or draw on our energy?
We should also look forward. How hopeful are we for the next anniversary? I think we should look inward to make sure we are intentional about the things we can do to improve a relationship or situation, and consider who else can be helpful to us in that aim.
I am celebrating a wedding anniversary. I am very lucky to be able to say that my relationship gives me incredible strength, even in the face of my own struggles with negativity and “doomsday” thinking. Even when I get caught up in the incredibly little things, my wife helps me see the big picture. I also am hopeful for our future together, knowing we have a young family to help nurture and “hang on” for dear life sometimes. I am excited about the coming year; more importantly, I am excited for tomorrow. Every day is a special day in our relationship.
I hope you can also celebrate anniversaries with joy and positive reflections and hopeful wishes.
Where do you put your energy? As I get older, I realize I only have so much energy to expend. It gets more and more important how and where I expend my energy. Especially when in any given time period (let’s say each day), there is only so much energy to give…and once it’s gone it is unlikely to recharge the battery quickly enough to matter for that day. Important things will get pushed to the next day. And once you push something important, it gets easier to procrastinate on it the next day, and the next days after that.
We also get energy from our environment – the people around us, the circumstances we are in, the broader environment. I feel very lucky to live in a place (Las Vegas) that gets lots of sunshine, as I find it easier to build my mood than it would otherwise. I also try to realize how lucky I am to get to spend time around my wife and daughter, who are endless sources of smiles and laughs…two things that build energy quickly.
I have not been sleeping enough lately, and that is a needed source of energy. The earlier I go to bed, the better I feel. Unfortunately, I can get sucked into the broader environmental factors we haven’t discussed yet – the news, work, what others are doing. These are all distractions that suck energy away from me, and give the double whammy of thinking/nervousness about them and time spent worrying about them; time that could be used rebuilding energy through sleep.
Every moment is precious, and can give or take energy. I’m going to try to focus on building energy for myself and those around me. Sunshine may be beyond my control, but smiles, laughs and taking away worry are all within my capability.
I don’t think I’ve written about parenthood lately. That’s likely because my toddler has my phone, and if I start typing on the laptop she takes that over too.
So, I better go fast.
Having a toddler is something. They are so amazingly smart. Have such fun personalities – for a portion of their days (more on tantrums in a minute). Are learning so much – some learned from us (not much), from watching other kids, from school…and so much seemingly self-taught. The last one is still the coolest to me; you can see it happening with certain skills like learning letters or riding a scooter. It fascinates me how adaptable the brain is and how fast it is blossoming at this age.
Toddlers have strange eating habits. If you want to laugh about that, you can search Twitter for toddler eating. They are incredibly picky, which carries over to the rest of their world also. One little thing out of place can ruin their whole day. The wrong person in the house carrying out a task that a different person usually does; or breaking a routine in any way.
Toddlers are insanely curious. I get asked about twenty times a day, “What you doing, Gaga?” But that curiosity pays off when you challenge them to do something they haven’t done yet, or give them a new toy and watch them figure it out.
Toddlers throw tantrums. If I could explain why, or what to do about them, I’d be rich. And I wouldn’t be writing the secrets in a free blog. But they can be intense. My favorite tantrum behavior so far is when it gets really bad my daughter decides she needs to be naked, and she basically recreates the scene from Talladega Nights where Ricky Bobby loses it after a crash. He ended up in the hospital and was never really the same…my daughter gets over hers in about 15 minutes and you would think nothing had ever happened. Until it happens again two hours later.
The best part about toddlers is they are learning real emotions and empathy. They like to give hugs, and their hugs are simply sublime. My daughter loves to show us her mad face (with hands backwards on hips) and sad face and happy face, and she loves to tell jokes (bad dad jokes are all she knows right now). I feel like she will be the life of the party, which she did NOT get from her introvert dad. She is so fun to be around.
Until the next tantrum, of course. Then it’s all about Mommy time as far as I’m concerned.
A bold statement: The Masters is the best sporting event experience in the world.
I haven’t been to every major sporting event, but I’ve been to many. And The Masters is my favorite of them all. Some reasons:
The tournament is almost always exciting, and there is excitement to go around – the great shots are not limited to the leaders, or to the final few holes. Everywhere you walk and look, there is the chance to see an amazing shot…or a treacherous one. And if you aren’t in the immediate area, you will hear the roars and word will start to travel through the crowd.
The grounds of Augusta National are truly among the most beautiful in the world, golf course or any other landscape. A walk around the course can ground you back in the simple beauty of nature, and cause you to marvel that a golf course can be maintained to that level of perfection. I’m sure every golf course superintendent despises the weeks after the Masters when folks come back home and wonder why all their greens and bunkers don’t look like Augusta’s.
The tournament and the surrounding events are run so well. From the simple concession menu to the no-cell phone policy; from the “leave your chair with a card in it and no one will bother it” to the understood way of behaving (no running, no yelling “mashed potatoes,” etc.). A day at The Masters is simply a day of good will, peace, and ease. If you see someone in a bad mood during The Masters, there is something wrong.
If you haven’t been to The Masters, it definitely belongs on your bucket list. Try to enjoy it with some good friends, family, and maybe some folks you haven’t seen in a while. You’ll have time to catch up, you’ll have lots in common during that day(s), and memories will be made that will last a lifetime.
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